From the Beard of Chilly

Good morning Vikings, it’s been another slow week in this Purple Nation in which we live. Thankfully for me, I’ve been able to occupy my time with some healthy doses of Red Dead Redemption and the fantastic Lost Finale. But how, I hear you ask, is Ol’ Mr Childress coping in these dark times? Well, let’s delve into the wonderful world of his Beard to find out…

8am: I’m still a 5 o’clock shadow of my former self. I’m not going to take it personally though, it is hot after all, and now the whole legion of Vikings players have taken a period of hair fasting, in honour of the mullet that was. We don’t grow, until it grows back.

9am: Brad has been sat in front of his computer for 45 minutes now, just staring at Twitter, considering whether to open an account. If I were him, I’d’ve signed up the moment that jackass opened his mouth. “Oi! Sharper! I’m stapling a bulls-eye onto your nutsack, and we ain’t gonna call Jared and Pat off you until you are whining like the little bitch you are!” I wonder if that would all fit into 140 characters…

10am: Brad didn’t sign up. He got all the way to the end of registration, even had his username as heartofachampion, then wussed out. Ended up calling McKinnie and telling him that Sharper said he was a gimptard in the hope that the gimptard takes the bait and has a handbags at 10 paces battle in cyberspace.

1pm: After a spot of lunch and a tribute to Phil Hartman, it’s time for Brad to embarrass himself on the golf course. Luckily he seems to have ditched his fisherman’s hat in exchange for an all black get-up (did I mention it was a hot one today?). He is a very strange creature.

3pm: The going is slow on the course, but it’s all for a good cause. And it’s nice to see the lads out on the course, having fun. Pat can’t quite bring his arms together to grab a putter on account of his rotund figure, All Day is racing the ball to the hole, Kleinsasser can’t hit the ball off the tee, Visanthe is living up to his nickname of The Shank, as he hooks balls left and right (though he might just be aiming at Sharper who I swear is stalking McKinnie following a healthy volley of Twitter abuse at lunchtime. Haven’t seem much of Jared, after the first hole he snapped his driver in half and now is sat up in a tree, using the two halves as make-shift spears to throw at ducks.

5.30pm: I was wondering when this good day was going to take a sour turn. Brad got all the way to the 16th green, when Judd Zulgad asked him about Brett’s surgery… “What are you talking about? Surgery? You must have him mistaken for another nearly retired Quarterback called Brett?”…. Silence…. Then I start quivering (actually it was Brad’s lip, but believe me, I was scared for my own safety), and Brad storms off.

7pm: 2 tickets. One for speeding, the other for driving whilst using a cell phone. Brad couldn’t wait to call him. Now he’s on the hard shoulder playing nicey nice with Sgt. Bob, who doesn’t realize that the bearded man staring back at him from the driving license is the same man in the driver’s seat, with a rather pathetic me below his nose.

9pm: After the “misunderstanding” Brad is back at home, and mumbling to himself… “Obviously was me? I don’t look that different do I? I thought I looked homeless back then (OUCH!)! Guess I’ll have to get a new license now, one for when I’m looking ‘rugged’ and one for when I’m looking ‘respectable’!”

10pm: Finally he realizes why he was pulled over in the first place, then gets angry, then calls Brett back. “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME ABOUT THE SURGERY? I HAD TO FIND OUT FROM JUDD BLEEDIN’ ZULGAD! YOU DON’T HAVE THE HEART OF A CHAMPION, YOU DON’T EVEN CARE ABOUT ME, YOU’RE JUST A MEDIA WHORE…… look Brett, I’m sorry… I didn’t mean that…. of course I do…. sorry I’m just a little annoyed at always being the last one to find out… I know you do………… I am….” Ugh!! Sometimes I’m glad that I no longer extend all the way up to his ears, this way I don’t have to listen to the drivel on the other end of the line…

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The Mullet and the Silver Fox

Good morning to you, people of the Viking Nation! We’ve had something of a heat wave in London, so the shorts and Havaianas are out and the blogging has taken a backseat to sitting in the park, and eating copious amounts of meat.

Spending a few days away from Viking town, I often return feeling like Alexander Fleming, returning to the petri dish. Sometimes there is nothing, but today there is an excitingly large amount of various moulds. The most interesting, concerns our “Will he? Won’t he? Where is he?” Quarterback, Brett Favre who, last week confirmed that he’s had surgery on his ankle.

This now of course makes him the new Iron Man and he’ll be sure to go on and take us all the way to the Super Bowl, yadda yadda yadda! Certainly the news of the operation points to his return, but with him still remaining pretty tight lipped I don’t want to be counting any chickens just yet. Maybe I’m just tired of playing ball with the Favre Media Bandwagon, maybe I am just all fake-football-news’d out, I’m not sure but from now, unless I see a 50ft billboard from Brett Favre declaring to the fans of the Vikings that “I’m Coming Back”, I’m going to try and stay as detached as possible from other news stories revolving around our maybe #4.

Another piece of mould on the petri dish, though perhaps a slightly easier one on the eyes and the temperament is the sight of our beloved #69:

Has he Lost The Source of his powers?

Yes, remove your hats, and bow your heads, the mullet is no more. Jared Allen has had a haircut, in order to look like a regular Joe in time for his wedding. I’m sure he’s going to get a lot of stick for this, all I can hope is that after his big day, he’ll get some novelty hair extensions and fake teeth and come back with some proper badass redneck stylin!

Our final culture of the day comes from something which needs it’s own ecosystem, the Williams’ trial. They’ve had an appeal lodged for them, which means they could well stave off their suspension a little longer. I don’t know what their chances are and to be honest I just wish this thing would disappear, but it isn’t the NFL are too proud and the Williams’ are too awesome!

So that’s the mould so far this week. It’s not that exciting, it won’t cure any diseases, but hopefully it will satisfy some hungers out there until the next volley of news surfaces. See y’all soon.

Wednesday Morning Vikes News – The Final Day of the Combine, and All Day wants 2 more years of Brett

Towards the end of last week, when my average morning consisted of scraping barrels and picking at scraps in the search for new stories, but I took comfort from the fact that the Scouting Combine was on the horizon, and from that we’d have plenty of good stories about who the Vikes were looking at and how these noobs performed.

But today, as we enter the final day of the Combine, the only thing to happen is that we’ve tied up Greg Lewis for another year. That’s it. That’s all there is. There isn’t any more. The NFL Offseason really is like a special edition burger at McDonald’s. It promises to be the bomb, a taste sensation, delivering trans-fats like they’ve never been delivered before; but in reality it’s just a Big Mac without the special sauce. Our only hope is that Thursday can deliver where this first half of the week has failed, with Free Agency beginning at 11.01pm (Central I guess… either way I’ll probably be in bed).

A couple of links for you from The Vikings Gab today. The first reporting on the small price rise to Vikings Season Tickets, and the second covering a Donorschoose which the Gab are supporting, which is trying to raise $579 for equipment at a school in Kansas, so get on there and get donating!

And in other business, Purple Jesus is at it again, defacing the artwork of The Rube.

For today’s FAVRE WATCH, it seems All Day has been day dreaming/sniffing glue, and told OKBlitz.com that he wants the Silver Fox to come back for not one, but two years, delivering Super Bowls in both! Come on man, I know you gotta be positive, but this is just crazy talk.

“I hope he comes back for another year or two *inhales deeply*, gives us another two years, *licks toad* — I think we could win back-to-back Super Bowls *chows down on hash cake*. I’d take one *sniffs Jared’s jock-strap*. But the talent we have on both sides of the football *and in Miami nightclubs* with Favre — just the talent we have on offense, defense all phases — I feel like we can go as high *as a kite* as we want. *look Ma, look at the fairies buzzing around my head*”   *

* Disclaimer: Kids, don’t do drugs. Do visit my blog!

Rumour Mill Tuesday – LT, CT, Randy and other random buzzcocks.

Good morning nation, I hope I find you all well this morning. And me? Well I’m nursing my usual caffeine fix, and wondering how, when I started this blog, I thought vikingsuk was a good url… I mean I was going for Vikings UK, because I’m a limey, and I like the Vikings, but in my post-colonial naivety, I failed to notice that really my site sounds more like a P*cker lover paradise. Having had a few people point this out to me, I have managed to change my twitter account to something more suitable, but sadly this page remains a nice fat *facepalm* moment in my blogging career. So let me be clear, it’s Vikings UK not Viking Suk, I love the Vikes, but I can also see how my url might have suggested I was a gimptarded cheesehead.

Right, with that out of the way it’s time to wade into the quagmire of speculation that has arisen this morning. After very little yesterday the rumour busses have all arrived at once serving up a mixture of pure drivel and interesting opinions.

I’ll open with something which caught my eye yesterday saying Chester Taylor Is On The Move , well actually it doesn’t say that, it’s just a cheeky eye-catching headline but there is heavy speculation on his future and our options should CT fly the nest particularly in the draft, and also on how his possible departure could affect the mileage of AP. As I said yesterday, I don’t expect Taylor to stay, the grass for him can be a lot greener on the other side, the only thing it could come down to is whether he doesn’t mind playing second fiddle to AP in a big team, or whether he wants to be a bigger fish in a smaller team.

With CT likely to leave, and the news yesterday that LaDainian Tomlinson has left the Chargers, it didn’t take long for his name to be touted around as a new backup to Purple Jesus. Offering their takes on this today are danzinski on Viking Age and Adam Warwas on Vikings Gab, and both bring some interesting points to the table. The former is for the most part against the move, citing in particular the injury prone nature of the former Charger, whilst Warwas offers up a more balanced point of view with both the pros and cons of any potential trade.

In my humble opinion we should leave LT alone despite any benefits we may get in terms of trade options, keeping CT whilst unlikely should be our priority. The thing is that Chester Taylor is our Toyota Camry, no frills, but nice and reliable. On the other hand, Tomlinson is a Ferrari 355, a legend of its time, but now only good for the occasional thrill before it breaks down and costs a fortune to repair.

Also on Viking Gab yesterday, Warwas touched on the Semi-Annual Randy Moss Rumours. Courtesy of Mike Florio at PFT, it appears Moss wants out of New England and they seem willing to let him go to free up money for other players. There’s some interesting stuff from Warwas again, pointing out that it could well be the icing on the cake to entice Favre back for another year, though it would also be likely to cost Berrian his place in the team. There is no doubt that Moss is a quality receiver, but he also carries the risk of his ego, and whilst Berrian was quiet for most of the season, he did pick up his game in the playoffs. I think Moss would be a good acquisition if the opportunity were to arise, despite the apparent risks, but there is a lot which has to happen before the team can even consider signing him. In an ideal world perhaps, but at the moment my gut says it’s not going to happen.

So there we have it, try to keep CT, steer clear of LaDainian “Ferrari Cake” Tomlinson, and snatch up Moss if the 12 moons of Saturn align. Oh sweet, sweet rumours, caress me with your foundation free guff.

And it doesn’t stop there, because adding his hot air to another rumour is Linebacker, Ben Leber, which brings us to today’s FAVRE WATCH!

Yes, not content with just letting the man enjoy his billboards in peace, is Leber whose gut is producing some good vibes and noxious fumes:

“I think my gut feeling is that he is gonna come back, and I hope my gut is right. A respectable timetable is to let us know as early as possible.”

Yes Brett! Please make up your mind soon for the sake of Ben’s gut, it’s just not been the same since he went over to Jared’s ranch for a BBQ and went for the Veggie option!

Friday morning and Favre says “Hai”, and Buy-one-get-one-free on the Metrodome.

FAVRE WATCH!!

Yes folks, it’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for. After 2 and a half weeks of nothing, the Silver Fox has finally returned from the wilderness to make contact with us, the little people! Was this the moment that he finally declared he would be back for another year, back to lead the Vikings to the promised land?

No, of course not!

But he did send his thanks to the Vikings Nation and beyond for all the support he had last year. He said It was truly an amazing experience to be a part of the Minnesota Vikings this past season.” But, most crucially he didn’t give much, if any indication on whether he would be back.

Regardless of what the future holds, I want everyone to know that I will cherish the memories of the past year for the rest of my life.

My guess is still that he will be coming back, but the above statement in my opinion should be interpreted as a message to Vikings’ fans that he knows how highly we hold him in our hearts, and that he is going to take this into consideration when he does get around to making his decision. Or he could just be saying “No more bloody billboards!”

The second big story of the day is the suggestion by Reb. Paul Kohls that the Metrodome is sold to the Vikings for $1. This has news created quite a buzz within the Vikings’ community, but as the Pioneer Press points out, it is not the solution the Vikings really want. If this were to happen, we’d probably be hit by insane property taxes for one, and of course it is only a short-term solution to the main issue of securing the Vikings’ long-term future in Minneapolis. But money in the state is really tight at present, and with a potential stadium bill going as high as $870m with a much needed mechanical roof being added to the mix, maybe a short-term solution like this is what we need, at least until the money can be secured to give us a new home in the Twin Cities.

Our final 2 stories of the day concern 2 of our defensive players, and to be honest, neither are that exciting but here they are:

Jared Allen wins the PFT Alan Page Award from NBC Pro Football Talk.

CB Antoine Winfield will not need foot surgery according to Rick Alonzo of the Pioneer Press and will be back and ready for training camp in the summer.

Right, that’s your lot for the day. Coming up tomorrow will be part 2 of my countdown of the top ten moments from the Vikings last year.

Friday roundup. Harvin is Rookie of the Year, McKinnie still doesn’t get it, Rice is waiting and Jared needs saving!

One of the few advantages of being a Vikings’ fan in the UK is that following our loss to the Saints it was quite easy for me to avoid being reminded of that painful night. I could avoid the NFL website altogether, very few of my friends know anything about the game so there was no talk about the Super Bowl from them, and as the game isn’t that big of a deal here, TV station and news papers stuck to reporting on how our Soccer Captain is a cheating piece of scum.
I was doing so well, and then out of the blue, on BBC Breakfast on came a very badly put together promo for the Super Bowl. Any illusion I was under about being over the game disappeared, and now I’m back to feeling like crap, having been reminded that we aren’t and yet should be in the Super Bowl! A crap start to the day! Still, at least it’s Friday!
One person who should be feeling a darn soft better than me is the new NFL Rookie of the Year. Ladies and Gentlemen, show your horns for Mr Percy Harvin! I actually posted a video tribute to this guy a few days ago, so check it out, just in case you needed reminding of how awesome he is!

On the opposite end of the spectrum, Bryant “I ain’t getting on no Pro Bowl fool” McKinnie doesn’t think missing the Pro Bowl was that big of a deal… yadda yadda yadda, bla bla bla, something something something… My gawd this bloke is really starting to do my head in! Please just admit that you were a bit of a silly boy, apologise and stop being such a gimptard!

Thankfully, if, like me you are sick of hearing about McKinnie, Vikings Gab reckons that the new stadium story is going to take off in the coming days/weeks/months. This should prove a lot more interesting than anything BigMac can throw at us (am I tempting fate there?). Also worth checking out on Vikings Gab is a smorgasboard of articles assessing every position on the Vikings’ roster, and how it holds up for next season, so do check it out.

So it seems that, quite rightly, the stadium is going to be a massive priority for Vikings’ management this offseason. But, looking at the poll I ran earlier in the week, 54% of fans would rather see Favre re-signed for next year, whilst only 26% would want a new stadium with a mechanical roof confirmed. It’ll be interesting to see whether this changes in the coming months as talk of the new stadium increases. Personally I think that re-signing Favre is more important at this point, as I can’t see the people of Minnesota embracing the team in the same way if Favre isn’t part of it next year, and they will be a huge factor in swinging political favour towards a new ground. But time is running out on the Metrodome, and whilst I was lucky enough to go there last year, and I fell in love with the place, it is about time we got a new home.

On a totally different note, the head of the Mullet Mullitia, Jared Allen is one of 3 players up for the cover of Madden NFL 2011. But as pretty much everyone is pointing out, it would be a curse to put him on there, so make sure you get voting to keep him off the cover. Personally my vote is going to the Mardi Gras Runt, Drew Brees.

And that’s today’s news… Now time for Friday’s edition of FAVRE WATCH!

The Star Tribune has expanded on the Billboard Campaign to get the Silver Fox back in Purple.

And whilst the fans can’t wait to tell Brett they want him back, Wide Reciever Sidney Rice told ESPN that he is going to give it a couple of weeks before giving the old man a call.

And that’s really about it for now, a very quiet day on the watch… Starting tomorrow, I’ll be running down my Top 10 moments from this season, so do drop by to take a look.

Thursday morning – Jared puts his ass on the line, Favre is a tough guy and Tebow sucks

It’s Thursday morning, I’ve necked a gigantor can of Monster Energy, and later on I’m going to be watching some skeleton bobsleigh! What a day lies ahead of me! Thankfully though, there is a healthy dose of Vikings goodness to keep me sane…

One of the names which keeps cropping up for the Vikings in the draft is Tim Tebow. The winner of the Heisman Trophy has seen his stock in the draft drop considerably in recent months, and he is set to take another drop following this post from Jacksonville Jaguars’ offensive lineman Uche Nwaneri. It’s a brutal assessment, especially considering it’s coming from a player from Tebow’s home team. This could result in one of two things as far as I can see:

1) The Raiders sign him.

2) We sign him.

Either way, his future as a quality player is certainly in question. We’ve had a good track record recently when it comes to turning controversial players into stars (Harvin and Moss in particular), but if the kid has no ability then I’m sure Chilly and the rest of the coaches and scouts will avoid him.

Yesterday’s pics of Favre’s busted up leg and ankle have created quite the stir among the Vikings’ faithful. Some see it as a possible PR exercise to generate sympathy, and take the heat off Brett for his intercepted pass, though this isn’t washing with danzinski on The Viking Age. Whilst others have taken it as further proof of Favre being a super tough guy, and a possible sign that he is the Chuck Norris of the NFL.

Whilst on the subject of the battering Favre took against the Saints, former Viking and now Saints safety, Darren Sharper claims that the Saints aren’t a dirty team, they’re just a “bit grimy”.

“”[I]t is like taking a shower when you get up in the morning and are going to cut your grass.  You are nice and fresh when you cut the grass, but at the end you have a little griminess to you.”

Wow, I’d never thought of it like that, but when you use an analogy which sounds like it could have been written by brain dead troll, yeah, you know what Darren, you’re absolutely, bat-sh*t-crazy wrong! Obviously Sharper doesn’t want his team to be thought of as dirty, but when you beat the living hell out of a 40 year old future hall of famer, receive several penalties against you, then have the officials admit they even missed some roughing calls and then fine the team $30,000, it’s hard to argue otherwise, and no amount of gimptarded analogies will make people think otherwise.

But according to EA Sports, the Saints aren’t going to be on the receiving end of any comeuppance, after Madden NFL 10 predicted a Saints win in the Super Bowl, and as stupid as that may sound, it’s apparently been right five out of the last six times.

There’s some more news on the stadium situation today. The soup du jour is that we could use lottery money to help fund the stadium according to Gov. Tim Pawlenty. It’s hard to get too excited about this, but at least there are plenty of idea on the table.

Vikings Update has a table of our restricted and unrestricted free agents. Looking at it, our priorities should be to keep Chester Taylor and Ray Edwards. Both are integral parts of the team, and whilst Edwards is restricted, and should be easier to resign, we need to keep an eye on Taylor especially with an uncapped 2010 season. Big wages could lure him away, which would be a real blow, as he’s proven himself to be an excellent 3rd down back, and run blocker.

That’s your news for today, I’ll end as usual with another edition of…. FAVRE WATCH

The Vikings official website has the Maurice Jones-Drew interview with Jared Allen and Adrian Peterson from the Pro Bowl weekend. As expected he asks them about Favre, and then asks (or aks) the Mullett to make a personal plea for Favre to return:

“Silver Fox, we love you, everything but my backside loves you. But if you come back I will let you slap my rear end every single day in no gay way at all. But I will take that stinging pain and I will eat it [the pain I assume] every day.”

Wow! I mean wow! If that doesn’t work I don’t know what will… Well this might. The lovely folks at VikesFans4Favre have raised enough money to pay for this billboard in Favre’s hometown! Well done folks!

And that’s it… well almost. Just wanted to end with a tip of the hat to Bernard “Nard-Dawg” Berrian and Sidney Rice who were at a Charity gig last night for the Starkey Hearing Foundation. They posted a few pics of the night on their twitter pages, and it’s always great to see Purple Pride in the community.

Skol!