Blowing off the cobwebs

The day is finally here! Football season is upon us all and tonight we have the chance for revenge against the team that lucked out in every area of the field to claim the NFC Championship and eventually the Super Bowl. Yes it still hurts, but tonight we can salvage some pride and get our season off to the best possible start.

Late hits will be landed, deep passes thrown, footballs held onto and we can announce ourselves as the biggest team in the NFC and not the P*ckers as most analysts would love to tell you.

It’s going to be tough but if we play real football we can walk away from the bayou with our heads held high.

Going into the game Brett said “I would have to give the edge to the Saints, first of all, as far as first game, where are you from a team standpoint overall as far as chemistry and things of that nature?” So yeah, thanks for the vote of confidence dude. But in all seriousness, we need to protect Brett for key plays, have All Day run all over the Saints shoddy run D, and hope that our secondary can stand up to Brees and the smorgasboard of receivers he has at his disposal. It’s gonna be a toughie!
As for my prediction, despite the fact I know we can win this, something tells me the mood in the camp isn’t quite right. No Rice is a biggie, and nerves will by sky high compared to the do no wrong Saints who are also at home (please don’t talk about crowd noise again). A 30-20 loss is what the pessimist in me says, it could be closer but it’s what my head tells me. My heart on the other hand says a 71-3 win with Brees’ arm falling clean off after a tasty hit from Ben Leber and Jared!

But don’t just ask me, there are other places that have a more positive outlook on things. The gab has a great in depth preview covering all areas of the field.

And Jazzy at the Viking Ship has been working overtime, playing Madden, checking the history books and getting all creative! Awesome stuff!

Well, it’s good to be back that’s for sure! I’ve had a torrid summer, full to the brim with work, work, work and wedding, wedding, wedding, not to mention the London Olympians who go into the Division 2 Southern Conference final this Sunday against the Hampshire Thrashers, and then hopefully the Div 2 Championship the week after. I’m hoping I can keep up the same volume of postings that I started this blog with, it was a lot of fun, and I hope this season I can really settle down in the blog and get some quality posts under my belt. There will certainly be plenty to talk about over the next 17 weeks and beyond. Here’s to a Super Bowl year for the mighty Vikings! Skol.

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Speedy round up, Vikings stop/start

Good afternoon Vikings, the busy summer continues and my blog is suffering as a result, hopefully with the season just about the corner I will have more to write about but until then it’s going to be more of me rounding up what’s been going on and pointing out the places that do have the time to report on this great team.

First up here are 2 reports on our loss to the 49ers last weekend, at the Viking Ship and Viking Nation. It’s always disappointing to lose, especially with Favre back under centre, albeit for 4 snaps and a nice meaty sack, and the issues thrown up are very concerning, particularly the run blocking and general O-Line effectiveness as these were massive issues last year. Still, 2 more games to go until the curtain raiser, so hopefully we can sort it.

Another factor in the loss was the absence of #1 WR, Sidney Rice. Reports are suggesting he could miss our first 6 games. If this is true, it’s very bad news. True, we have Berrian, but last year him and Favre didn’t quite click as much as we’d hoped…

Right, that’s your lot… back as soon as I can be.

Linkacopia

Morning all you Vikings fans out there! I hope your week has been a productive one so far, and unlike me you didn’t leave your laundry out in the pouring rain for 2 days, when really you should have just brought it in when it was dry on Sunday rather than being lazy and just going to bed.

But I digress, in this period of anticipation at the new season there are a few topics I’d like to tackle over the coming weeks. The most burning is which Vikings’ players should be top of your draft list, and that will be coming soon…

The other topic is of course the roster, and thanks to Branden at Lemke’s Lot, here’s a very well informed guess at who should be there when we go kill dem Saints.

On the subject of the depth chart, the Vikes have released a post camp one, which you can see at the Viking Ship. As Jazzy points out, this is still very “fluid” at this point in time. Basically that means we’re still waiting on Favre!

Next up is a link from the Viking Nation, who pays tribute to one of the finest players to wear the Purple, John Randle. Here he is with his HoF induction speech. What a legend!

And finally, a general link and shout out to the Vikings Gab which has been probably one of the most consistent blogs this offseason, and well worth checking out! There’s some good articles on the camp, Sidney Rice and FANTASY FOOTBALL!!!

Right I’m off to scout some fine fantasy studs for my team this year… and possibly Matt Forte if I start to feel suicidal.

Exclusive Interview* With Brett Favre

The mouth of the horse is here! And by horse, I mean Siver Fox. And by here, I mean in my mind. Yes, in honour of recent news stories which may or may not have been based on nothing but here say, I’ve decided to unleash my previously unreleased/unimagined interview with the one and only Brett Favre.

Me: Sooo, Brett, ol’ buddy, ol’ pal. How’s your summer been?

Brett: Yeah, it’s been okay. I’m a grandpappy now so I’ve been spending some time with the kid, trying to impart some of my wisdom. Lil Parker Brett is a future hall of famer, mark my words on that one. Last week he even drew out an I-38-Sweep play in spaghetti hoops, but I intercepted his meatball before it reached the end zone, ha ha ha.

Me: So has Parker told you he wants to follow in your footsteps?

Brett: Not yet, I’m still waiting to hear on that. Parker keeps making noises which I think sound like “I’ll let you know in my own sweet time.” But I’ve bought all the gear just in case, and should have hung up my boots by the time the 2028 draft comes along, so I’ll be waiting at Radio City Music Hall just in case he decides to show up.

Me: And what about you? Any news on this coming season?

Brett: Oh yeah, I’ll be back unless my foot falls off… aaarrrrrgggghhhh!

Me: You okay there Brett?

Brett: Yeah I’m fine. I mean my foot just fell off, but I’m alright.

Me: So you probably won’t be playing next season then will you?

Brett: Did I say that? Well never say never, that’s what I always say. Nah I’ll probably still be back. Just need to get this thing re-attached. Say, can you hold on a sec while I send a text?

Me: Sure. Do you mind me asking who it’s to?

Brett: Yeah, it’s the guy who paints the fences at Winter Park. He was just asking if I knew any good jokes. Right all done. Next question…

Me: So do you ever get tired of people asking you about your retirement?

Brett: What retirement? Who said anything about retirement?

Me: You know, what with your foot falling off, and the story which just broke about you texting people at the Vikes that you are going to retire?

Brett: Oh that! Yeah, I’ve decided that I should call time on everything. It’s been a great year, but I’m getting on a bit now and just want to sit back and enjoy life.

Me: And how do you think the Vikings and their fans are going to react to this news?

Brett: What news?

Me: You retiring?

Brett: I’m not retiring.

Me: Oh, but I thought you just said…

Brett: I didn’t say anything. That was Shank. Next question.

Me: Ooookay. So what are you looking forward to next season?

Brett: Beating the Saint. Beating the P*ckers. Rubbing Chilly’s beard for good luck. Slapping Jared. Singing to Percy before he goes to bed. And then, once I’ve lifted the Vince Lombardi Trophy, prank called Aaron Rodgers, and put a potato in Tahi’s tailpipe, I think I’m going to call it a day.

Me: I didn’t realise you called the scum, P*ckers too?

Brett: Everyone calls them the P*ckers.

So there you have it, and by it, I mean nothing, apart from some cheap laughs perhaps.

* The above interview, is entirely fictitious. Any similarities with real people or events are purely coincidental, and a result of cunning satire.

From the Beard of Chilly

We’ve got a hung Parliament in Blighty! Huzzah, life is good! And that slimeball-toff-w*nker David Cameron is going to have to do some serious dealing if he’s going to become PM. But all in all, election night has been pretty disappointing. Nick Clegg, leader of the Lib Dems has had to endure some disappointing results, and is left to marvel at our electoral system that sees someone who gets around 23% of the vote only take about 10% of seats in the House of Parliament. Whilst Gordon Brown is hanging in there, but only just. I’m hoping for a Labour coalition government because the Tories are scumbags who are going to line the pockets of the aristocracy, but I’m gutted the lib dems didn’t get more seats…

But enough of Politics, its time for our weekly visit to the mind of one of football’s greatest figures. I’m talking of course of Chilly’s Beard.

3.30am – Brad can’t sleep, so I can’t sleep. Every time I drop off the bugger grunts something about a “good football team” or “how do you like these Wranglers?” STFU!

8.25am – So first he keeps me awake, then he oversleeps. Useless Brett Favre Bobblehead Alarm clock apparently decided to wake him up when it’s ready, despite being told numerous times to sound off nice and early.

10.03am – Late to court, Judge is not best pleased. Not looking good for my unrelated brothers from 2 different mothers.

12.00pm – This is why I hate court. Brad get’s restless, so he chews on his pen. Then he grabs that soggy pen with his stubby fingers, twirls it around, and then rubs those stubby, soggy fingers through me. After nearly 2 hours of this, I’m starting to smell like an Alice Cooper fan after a night of Jager-bombs. And then to cap it all off, the court rules against my boys! If only the Bobblehead had gone off an hour earlier, I could have arrived and intimidated the judge with my magnificent bushyness.

12.45pm – Pat’s been crying, and Kevin is nursing a hoagie the size of… well let’s not get into that now. I think Pat’s worried about losing his place to BigMac. Personally I’d love to throw that mug into the trenches, teach him a lesson about what happens when you piss of Roger Goodell. As for Kevin, well, while he’s engrossed in his bread-bundled, meaty-magic, I’m wondering if Loady can manage the load if we subbed him in. Like Maccy, he’s a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic, but he’s big, and scary, and big, maybe it’ll toughen him up a bit.

2pm – Some would call it lunch, I call it the frenetic shovelling of pot pie into hole in face. I think he’s stressed. Can’t blame him. He just got a call from Gov Pawlenty. Back-stabbing SOB.

3.30pm – My “ears” are burning. Brad decided to invite Rick, Jared and Tahi to go “intimidate” Pawlenty who decided he didn’t like the stadium bill despite crowing on about it a couple of months ago. Basically Brad just kept yelling “Heart of a Champion” whilst Rick tried to sign Pawlenty as our new DT, and Jared kept asking Tahi why he’s still there. Then Rick got bored and started playing Risk on his iPhone, and Jared said he’d treat Tahi to chicken wings after Tahi started sulking. On their way out the door I swear I heard Jared mutter; “I’ll show you what a dozen is”. This left Brad, red faced and feeling rather foolish. Think they’re going to try and work something out.

5.35pm – After a few awkward man-hugs, Brad left Pawlenty’s place with a revised bill. Whiskers crossed.

8pm – Brett called. Brad was a bit grumpy because Brett usually calls at 7, but he said he was busy laughing at JaMarcus Russell. “Funny you should mention that…” Brad said, “… he’s our Plan B if you don’t show.” It’s going to be a long summer.

Mocking the Mock and Montying Monty?!?

Just what is the point of Mock Drafts? Every time I read one I end up asking myself the same question. And after reading this one I just want to hit someone, probably JP Frederick with a big “Duh!” sign. The thing is that if you are the top team, pretty much everyone knows who you are going to pick, you pick the best player, whether it’s an unpronouncable DT or a possible franchise QB you take the best player in the position you need.  But beyond about the top 5 things get cloudy as teams begin to chop and change based on their opinions of certain players and weighing that up against what they need. This always happens, so why in bloody hell do analysts bother wasting their time predicting it and writing pointless articles pointing out what fans already know?

In the article I linked to it says that if Oklahoma QB Sam Bradford, a potential superstar, was still unpicked we’d grab him in place of tightening up the defence. Well of course we’ll grab someone that good if they are still available! But that’s like asking, if someone offered you free money would you take it? Trouble is that it ain’t gonna happen! And the mock draft offered up in the article is just a waste of space, as are pretty much all of them out there which either consist of a standard list, or a cookie cutter explanation of the choice, for example:

Rnd 1 – #30 – Vikings pick: Jeff Crapinthehead, CB from Dingletown. I like Jeff, he’s big, he’s got nice hair, he listens to Justin Beiber and his mom said to my sister’s friend’s dog that he really wanted to go to play basketball for the Wizards but the Vikings need a 6’7″ tall bloke to jump up and down and wave his hands cos Winfield’s leg fell off after McKinnie took him for a night out with some diseased transvestite donkey witch (SJP). But he might be picked higher up by the Raiders who might pick this other guy who looks like John Travolta.

If I really had some spare time on my hands, I’d get the list of all 7bn players in the draft this year, and put Ndkkkkaamaamamaoo, McCoy and Bradford at the top and then pick the rest out of a hat, and I’d probably get the same amount right as most mocks out there because you just can’t predict them. Look at Percy Harvin, I saw pages out there last year that had him going to the 49ers, and Colts, that’s #7 and #28! Yeah there were some other places who got it right, and fair play but I think time is much better spent analysing the needs of a team and coming out with a nice healthy list rather than making a mock for the whole bloody league.

Phew! Sorry if that didn’t make any sense whatsoever, I just needed to let off some steam. I also am going to try to concentrate on only reading draft talk from Viking sites rather than NFL-wide places to try and get a better idea of who is available to suit our needs. I know mocks can be entertaining, but I just don’t see the point, especially when they are openly pointless, playing about with the most unlikely situations in which a team is able to pick the second-second coming (the first is All-Day).

On the side of real news, we’ve signed that Montgomery chap. He’ll be there to back up Ray Edwards but as the Gab points out, he’s one of 4 defensive ends who’s 2010 will also be a contract year, should make things interesting at least.

We’re also looking at veteran corner, Tye Hill, who is due to make his mind up about either the Vikes or the Titans today. More experience in defence should be a good thing, I wonder if it also means we are going to be less active on defence in the draft now though… maybe I should make a mock draft to reflect this.

I’ll end today with a brief ode to FAVRE WATCH which has been a little quiet of late, and today is no exception. My link today is from an article on Vikings Update, in particular point 2. Ed Thompson things the Vikes and Favre should end their silly charade, man up, admit Farve is coming back, and just say that he isn’t going to be attending the opening training camps because they are about as useful as a football to the groin, “rather than hide behind what appears to be a poorly conceived charade that opens up integrity questions for everyone involved.” Hmmmmmm….. very interesting point. I think a lot of us out there would be very happy/relieved if you are right on this one.

My Top 10 Moments of 2009 – #2 Spanking them Cowboys

There is just something about the Cowboys which I find hilarious. Maybe it’s just the fact that they’re shite, maybe it’s their jug eared gimp of a quarterback, maybe it’s the fact that they are the FAIL Whale of the NFL. Whatever it is, I get a giddy joy when this lot fall on their asses. But in the run up to our Divisional Playoff game against them, some of my cockiness was beginning to wane. The Cowgirls had finally won a playoff game and suddenly the whole NFL news network was harping on about one QB (Favre) passing the torch onto the new boy wonder who’d got the monkey off his back (how many times did you hear that in the build-up to the game?).

We were at home but we’d been written off. The Cowmoobs were “America’s Team” with a new shiny stadium, and all they had to do was beat the lowly Vikes who were meant to have lost momentum after a bye, to take over the world. But there was something everyone who wasn’t a Viking seemed to forget, they had to play us in Zygihood, the Metrodome, the most hostile environment in the NFL, with the greatest fans in the world.

From the kick-off, we destroyed them. They didn’t score one touchdown, we scored 4. 3 from Sidney Rice, one from the Shank, all absolute peaches, everyone had me giggling like a schoolgirl, and I was dancing around the room when we went for it on 4th down to run up the score. They moaned like bitches but the fact was that we were just so much better and they could do nothing to stop us. Ray Edwards had a career game, JA and the rest of the D-Line got in on the act too, in fact the whole team really stood up and kicked ass.

From epic nervousness brought about by delusional journalists, I was in heaven, we played like champions and it confirmed what I already believed, we were the best team in the NFL and could go all the way.

Hey, it’s a shame we didn’t, it’s a damn shame that our season ended the way it did, but at least we whooped them Cowboys, and they left the office with their pants on the ground.