Good morning Vikings‘ fans! It’s been a busy week and I’m looking forward to soaking up some sunshine and chilling out this weekend, but before any of that can begin, I feel compelled to bring you the next part in my offseason series from Brad Childress‘ mighty Beard!
8.00am: I think I went too far last week. I tried to call his bluff, and failed. He’s gone for the Selleck look again. So here I am, the day after, with egg on my face. And Brad? Well I think he’s already missing me. For starters, he had to face the media in the sun yesterday, and without little ol’ me to protect his face from the harmful UV rays, he was forced to wear some r-tard fisherman’s hat. Who’s having the last laugh now?
10.00am: “Now we’re Cooking”. Ugh!!! If I hear him say that one more time, what little stubble there is left of me is going to molt! Chris Cook, Chris “Effin” Cook! I get it, you like him! And I know how nice it is to be proved right, especially on your #1 draft pick, but please stop singing “Now we’re Cooking” while making your breakfast!
11.00am: Ha! That brought you down to Earth didn’t it? Sweat is poring down Brad’s face now, and without me to catch it all, he’s ruined his nice new polo shirt! Shouldn’t’a worn grey should ya?
11.30am: It’s taking him a whole 30 minutes to calm down, and I think it’s just about safe to let you know what put a bee in his bonnet… Brett, is having a Memorabilia sale in July… Brad didn’t get an invite. He’s now mumbling “I’m not paying 400 buck for a sodding helmet!
1.00pm: The sweat’s back. It could be the buffalo wings, or it could be the though of his meeting after lunch. All I know is, he wants me back!
2.30pm: Made it to the state capitol after an hour in traffic. Brad’s AC was broken in the car. He had to run into Gap to get a new shirt. His 3rd of the day.
3.00pm: He’s on number 4 now. At least this time he ruined it for a noble cause, as he and the rest of the Vikes handed over an ultimatum about a new stadium.
5.00pm: He’s on the phone with Brett, who is livid at my unceremonious removal! It had all started so well, stories from the OTA, his new hat, but when Brad moved the phone slightly on his face, Brett heard me scraping on the handset and… BOOM!
5.30pm: There are not enough shirts in the world. And Brad is now huddled in a corner of the bathroom, rocking back and forth. The future is no longer in his hands, instead, in an act of pure vengeance at my disappearance, Brett is tying his destiny to that of Southern Miss. Brad better grow me back soon or he’s going to need to start a Gap loyalty card.