From the Beard of Chilly

Good morning Vikings! It’s time for my weekly insight into the world of Chilly’s Beard. Be warned there are some minor, very minor Lost spoilers in, mind you that last episode was spoilt before it made it on the air… oh damn!

10.30am: Brad got up early to go to the gym today, and is now home “filling up the tank” as he likes to put it. I don’t mind going to the gym, I just wish he didn’t get changed in front of the mirror, slyly kiss his bicep and wink at himself when no-one is looking.

11.00pm: It’s TiVo time. For the next 4 hours, Brad is going to undo all his hard work at the gym, by eating his special “trail mix” (crushed Doritos mixed with guac, salsa, humus and Chipotle Tabasco) and catching up on Lost, House, The Office and anything by Seth MacFarlane.

3pm: Ahh, fresh air, my old friend! Only you can save me from the Lost induced beard scratching marathon that Brad is now in the throes of. I must say I can’t blame him, what that funny waterfall was all about, I fear I’ll never know, and don’t get me started on the script… At least House was more coherent, though Brad can’t stop yelling out “It’s naat a tooomor” whenever the docs are all sat around their table. Eeehhhhh…

3.30pm: Brad’s in a sulk. He keeps pacing around the garden, reaching to his ear as if trying to grab his on the field headset, only it’s not there. I think he’s bored, really bored. In all fairness it has been a very slow week, but come on man, you’re Brad F’in-Childress, the world is your oyster!

4.00pm: He’s in a bigger sulk now. Apparently he didn’t like the oyster comment. Why? Because oysters produce pearls and pearls are round and shiny. So what am I trying to tell him? To polish his bonce apparently! And now he’s crying about it to Brett.

5.45pm: An hour and a half! 90 whole minutes of sobs, and incoherent blubberings down the phone, but at least he’s finally over it. Suppose I have Brett to thank for that. I thought it was all over when Brad said he was going to bring the tache back and be gone with me, but the mere mention of Tom Selleck snapped him out of it.

6.15pm: I guess I spoke too soon. Brad’s cranky once again. Yeah, we’re all patched up but he’s now jealous of Brett. “Why does he get all the attention? I call the plays *ahem*, I choose the team *ahem*, what’s he got that I don’t?”… “Me?” I said.

7.00pm: Early bedtime, probably for the best. Not like anything is going to be happening any time soon. Just hope this cabin fever wears off soon.